never too big a mess for grace.
I could not be more excited to be a wife. Someday. A ways off. Down the road. I state that now right out the gate so if I start using the ‘F’ word and make salacious over generalizations about the way you possibly see the world you can keep your guns holstered. Everyone else, welcome to the party.
I am also a feminist. Ta-da!!! There it is.
I also state that right out the gate because it’s a problem. Well not for me, but for a lot of other people.
I’m so getting shot for this.
ANYWAY, I’m not dying to be a wife so I can do wife things, like make wifey cookies, while wifey sweeping the floor, and holding hands with my husband and watching wifey TV. I think it’s super cute when women can’t wait for that, but it’s just not me. In fact, sometimes I think I’m the only woman on the planet that has hopes and dreams and wishes that don’t end in wifey. Then I realize I’m being overdramatic and I remember I have about a million women in my life, half of them married, that are still very much non wifey hoping and dreaming and living.
I’m single, I have no wisdom to offer about anything. Especially marriage. Ha. Or singleness. Haha. Honestly, most of the time I could care less. I’m actually quite busy with my life, growing succulents, thrifting for weird glass vases, making things rust, trying and failing at loving people, finding canvases, looking for animal bones to Instagram, organizing drift wood, trying to understand more about Jesus. You know, stuff like that. I imagine when I get married it’ll be just like that, but with more sports or something. Just living life. Cool.
Most of the time I’ll be really, really bad at marriage, because I’m mostly selfish. I’m pretty sure marriage doesn’t bring me a glitter farting magic instant happiness fairy. I’m also pretty sure I’ve got a lot of baggage and saying ‘I do’ won’t make it disappear like the airport that swallows your bags at Christmas. I’m guessing the guy I marry will be human (here’s to hoping) and will suffer the same issues. I’m quite prepared for the fact that he is neither perfect, nor will he rescue me from my problems no matter how many princess movies I’ve seen. (Ugh. Sick.) But I’m also aware that I’m sitting on the couch in a Justice League shirt, watching Doctor Who, drinking coffee I made this morning… I hope. That kind of life may put me out of luck for finding any kind of husband. Ever.
One of my friends was just saying if he read anything else about marriage/singleness he would kill someone. And I say to that…watch out world. Hahahaha. I don’t see us shutting up anytime soon. To him I say, don’t get arrested?
I mean sure it’s a conversation that needs to be had, it’s important to know your thoughts and where you stand but maybe, just maybe it’s possible that we spend too much time talking (and by talking I mean flipping our lids) about it. Like if all of our time was a pizza, marriage/singleness is that annoying roommate that eats seven of the eight pieces THAT YOU PAID FOR and you can’t help but yell YOU ALL CONSUMING MONSTER! Then laying hungry while staring at the ceiling. Of course it’s an overreaction, but you would have a point.
It’s a sad game. If you’re single you wish you’re married, if you’re married you wish all your single friends could understand how great it is. Or maybe you’re hiding how hard it’s been because all of your other married friends look so perfect, or you’re single and you’re writing weird letters to your future spouse. And we can’t ignore (BUT WE ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS DO) that we are talking about a large subset of young people that are ENTIRELY SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED. I mean geeze, you’re getting some and you’re feeling guilty, or you’re not feeling guilty and everyone else is judging you, you’re not getting any so you are racing to marry the next thing that breaths and remembers your name, you’re half getting some so you feel half guilty and half relieved, you’re not getting any so you use Christian mingle to hook up (I guess that’s a thing…?). DOES IT FREAK NO ONE ELSE OUT how many young Christian guys (and more quietly girls) answer things about their quick approaching or recent wedding with exclamations of, ‘SEX!!!’ Whoa there buddy. Glad you just tied your life to someone, forever, and that’s all you have to say? I’m sure there were easier ways for you to take care of that. Kind of makes me think, is it really all about that? Would our married/single obsession exist in the first place if everyone went out, got laid, and calmed down? No I’m not suggesting that, don’t go call your mother.
Who the hell knows. I get it, I get it, married/single is like the new puppy that the twenty somethings got for Christmas. We all want to play with it, and see how cute it is and figure out what to do with it before it craps all over the carpet. Except most of the time I feel like yelling YOU ALL CONSUMING MONSTER and going to learn how to weld.
It’s not that it’s bad, good, or otherwise, or that I’m pathetically stuck in a vortex of single misery, (Sure, I have days where I’m positive I’ll trudge around in dresses that smell like Cheetos that I’ve made out of curtains from the 70s and die alone with 20 cats) but it’s just that it takes too much time to roll around in. I’ve got other stuff to do. There is a whole lot of Jesus to learn about, and a whole lot of myself to figure out. There is also an entire world of issues to tackle and problems to solve. At the end of the day I want to say I did something to gain knowledge or make a difference and not say I talked until I was blue in the face about the importance of marriage or practiced wifey schedule balancing. Marriage may come, and it will be exciting but until then I’ve got hopes, dreams, and life to be living and I hope my nonexistent hopefully human husband is doing the same for himself.